An Open Letter to my High School Senior friends

05 April 2016

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." Thoreau

Dear my senior friends,

I hope you enjoyed your senior year. Now that you've sent your college applications, have received your (most) college letters, it is time to enjoy your last days in high school. Time to get ready for prom, for graduation, and keep your grades just good enough not to get rescinded.

When I was a senior, I let go off all of my worries after getting accepted to college. I spent time with my friends, lowerclassmen, and even some of my teachers. I ditched a couple classes to make some good memories, went out for coffee with friends I haven't talked to since sophomore year and made sure I let my teachers know just how much I appreciated all the work they helped me with.

I hope you're doing some of these things.

I know high school seems like it kind of sucks sometimes, but trust me, sometimes I miss high school. I miss the workload, the teachers who inspired me and helped me become the person I am now, and being forced to see my best friends every single day.

Once I got into colleges and chose the school to go to, I felt free. But scared. I felt free because, wow - a college wanted me! I have my fall semester planned out! But at the same time, I was scared because I won't be living at home. Although my school is only two hours away from home, it's still far enough for me to miss it.

So, this is mainly for my friends who won't be living at home next year: it will be okay. I know that most of you just cannot wait to get out of your house, but at the same time, you have a tint of fear that you won't like it where you go.

College is difficult to adjust to in the beginning. I have to be honest and say that I cried a lot. I called my friends from home on a daily basis, wanting their company more than these losers who live in my building. I ate alone most of the time. I stayed quiet in class.

But if there is one thing I learned, it is that you have to try to get out of your comfort zone. Talk to new people, introduce yourself to the other freshmen in your classes, and join a club you're interested in. College is so big that you'll definitely find a home.

I met 100+ other students during my first month here, but I still only talk to two of them. Eventually, I joined a co-ed fraternity, a club, and an association for my major. Within these things, I found my home. The girl who cried almost daily during the first month eventually made friends and found her will to grow as an individual.

But what if you end up not liking it at all?
What if you end up hating your major, your school, the people around you?

It. Will. Be. Okay.

We're young - it's not too late for change.

It's normal to change majors, or even to change universities. I know a couple friends who changed their majors the first month of school, or even at the end of the semester. I also know a couple people who have switched from university to the next.

The most important thing is that you are happy where you are, and you feel that you are provided with the opportunities that you are looking for, whether it be through clubs or networking for your major.

What I learned the most from university is that you grow every day. You mess up, and you learn from it. You get to try new things you never even thought you would do (like me joining a co-ed fraternity), and you become friends with people you never thought you'd meet.

It's okay to be scared, especially if you go out of state. But remember one thing: you'll be starting a whole new chapter in your life. Make the most of it.

When summer comes, make a plan. What you want to pack, what you need to buy, what you want to explore, goals you want to accomplish while in college. I encourage you all to just go for it. The possibilities are unlimited. You get to create your own path and be inspired to do something you probably wouldn't have thought of in high school. For some of us, college is one more step in reaching our dreams for the future.

So, cheers to all my senior friends. You only have a couple more weeks to go! Have fun, and make memories. Then, the next thing you know, you'll be off to begin a new adventure.

I cannot wait to see what college has in store for all of you.


With love,
Annika



P.S. I watched a lot of youtube videos about my college (SDSU), what to pack for college, what to expect in college, what I wish I knew before college. If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me.

Dedicated to: Jessica Oh

It Didn't Go As Planned, but That's OK

January 29th

Nearly a year ago, I was still doubting if I truly wanted go into the medical field.

Growing up, I've always wanted to be a teacher. However, around sixth grade, I decided that what I really wanted to do in life is act. I wanted to be "an actress-slash-director," as I used to say. Everything that I did surrounded acting -- workshops, theater, solo performances, recitals, auditions, LA trips, Orange County High School of Arts, Glee, Newport Beach Film Festival, movies, film classes, screenwriting classes, and multiple friends in Hollywood. That was the life. 

I was so set on pursuing film and theater in college that I even toured the sets of Universal Studios, UCLA, USC and Chapman University Film Schools. I networked with alumni and current film students at USC, ready to ask for letters of recommendations. I had so much passion, so much drive, and (as I humbly say) talent that I had confidence I would succeed in Hollywood if I pursued this career path. My whole family and my friends knew what I wanted and what I was going for -- they all supported me unconditionally.

However, life works in mysterious ways.

My high school required juniors to intern at any location where they would be interested in working in the future. My first plans: LA agency or a production company. I job shadowed and volunteered at Newport Beach Film Festival that spring, wanting to see the ins and outs of popular film festivals. I had already talked to old acting teachers, and an agency I once auditioned for -- if I wanted an internship in LA, I could have gotten it.

One day, my mother said, "You already know a lot of things in the entertainment industry. Why not explore medicine?" I had grown up surrounded with science -- my step-dad is an engineer, my mother (and most of my relatives) is a nurse, my brother is a Biology major. I had competed in Science Olympiad, Academic Pentathlon, attended science fairs, and presented science projects at the Nixon Library. I had the love for science, even though I never thought of it as a career choice.

I listened to my mother (as we always should). I decided to apply for an internship at UCI Medical Center, along with 24 other students from my school. We did three rotations, spending two weeks in each rotation.

During my rotation at the Acute Rehabilitation Unit, my life turned into a rollercoaster. Going in, I told my mentor that there was no way I would ever consider nursing. "I don't want to be like my mom," I said. I focused my rotations at the medical center with physical therapists, not nursing. However, as time passed, I found the work of physical therapists to be unexciting.

I ended up following a bunch of nurses during all my three rotations instead.

You see, nurses are like the backbone of a hospital. They take care of the patients, communicate with families, assess conditions, and even though they are qualified to do the work of a doctor, they still had to clean rooms and wipe butts. For me, that was humbling. 

I cannot tell you how confused I was about my life right there and then. All these years, I have focused on networking in the entertainment industry. I wanted to be an actress! If you know me, you know how indecisive I am. Just to get an idea, I had to flip a coin the other day because I couldn't decide what to eat for lunch. Acting was the one thing I was sure of.

But then again, life works in mysterious ways.

The Lord put a patient with osteoporosis in my life for one week. This patient became my muse. She helped me see that maybe I should give nursing a try. Maybe, just maybe, I've been focused on the wrong thing. Maybe I can be a nurse and become a teacher, like what I wanted when I was just a little tiny munchkin.

I told my mom at the end of my summer that I'm going to apply to nursing schools. My mom, at first, laughed. She did not believe me. I have a reputation of being the most sarcastic child, so I didn't really blame her. She didn't even believe me until she actually saw my college applications.

During the course of my senior year, I kept on testing whether I really belonged in the medical field. I took my Basic Life Support certification (CPR, First Aid, AED) just to see if it'd maybe freak me out. Then I took my phlebotomy certification; surely, getting blood from another human being would make me back out. My externship for phlebotomy was even at a not-very-nice hospital; I wanted to see if I'd hate working with medical assistants who gossiped all day and patients who didn't speak a lick of English. Instead, I enjoyed the process of getting those certifications and met amazing people along the way.

Fast forward, I am now a nursing major in a 4-year BSN program. When my mom told me that nursing school was hard, I didn't completely believe her until I actually started college. As freshmen, multiple students already failed a class. The program had to keep readjusting requirements so that the majority of the students would not fail. I heard of first-semester sophomores failing out of the program, and dozens who were changing their majors. So many people want to become nurses today that programs are starting to get harder.

Personally, I believe that I will pass nursing school. It'll most likely take most of my sleep, my social life, and my mind but I believe that with the guidance of the Lord, family, and friends, anything is possible. 

School gets tough; after all, we have to earn our degrees. However, as long as we remind ourselves of why we decided to pursue our career paths in the first place, we will get through. Sometimes I cannot help but think, "What if I decided to pursue film instead?"

But then I continue to think, "Well, what if I decided not to even consider becoming a nurse?" Imagine all the friends I wouldn't have met, the school I wouldn't have attended, and the professors I would not have learned from.

I wouldn't trade anything for the experience I have gotten this year at San Diego.

This post is more for me than for anyone else. I get too stressed out with my academics and the extra-curricular activities that I am doing at my university. So once in a while, I must remind myself of how funny life can get. Today, I am confident that I will become a nurse. In the future, who knows? Maybe I'll end up pursuing my acting career.

Just remember this: In anything that you do, have passion. Let whatever you are pursuing be the fire to your fuel because if you do not have the enthusiasm, you are risking your happiness and success.

Your whole world isn't revolved around academia, even though it's an important aspect. Start a habit, get involved in clubs, organizations, or Greek life. Pursue leadership, personal growth, and charity. Focus on what makes you happy while still focusing on academics -- after all, your future career won't be the only thing in your life.

Some of my friends say that I have a "cool" life when they hear about the things I have done or people that I have met. However, I do the things that I do in order to figure myself out. I don't know who I am, and I'm not particularly great at anything -- so why not try different things to help me find myself along the way? As Albert Einstein said, "I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious."

Quote of the day: "Anything that gets your blood racing is worth doing." - Hunter Thompson


Much sun,

Annika

Walks and Thoughts

January 25th

There is one quote I found online that really got to me:

"Thoughts come clearly when one walks."

Over the winter break, I hiked a lot. However, since I am now back to school without a car, I just take walks on campus. I mostly go in the evening alone; I look for places on campus where it's quiet and beautiful. There are some spots where no other students go, especially in the evening. Most nights, I stop at a certain hideout and read my Bible or listen to music before going back to my dorm.

Potato Chip - San Diego

The beautiful thing about taking evening walks is that you have some time for yourself.

Personally, relaxation is something that I'm terrible at. I know a lot of people can't wait to go home, take a bath, drink tea, eat ice cream, and watch their favorite TV shows. Some people even work out to relax. I've tried it all - I hate baths (it's like sitting in your own filth), drinking tea isn't really relaxing, eating ice cream makes me hyper, and watching TV shows makes me too emotionally attached to characters, which stresses me out even more. I can't even talk about working out; I have a complicated way of motivating myself, and trust me, it is not relaxing it any way.

However, when it comes to hiking and walking, relaxing doesn't seem so hard. For one, walking is a very simple task that has been embedded in our bodies since however old you started walking.

When I go for a walk alone, I put my earphones on, but don't listen to music. I like walking and knowing that I can just wonder off with my thoughts. There's no music, white noise, or people talking to influence my thoughts.

Art Building - SDSU

I like thinking about how my day went, of ways I could have done things better, about what I'm doing tomorrow. I like wondering about how my family is doing, what my best friends did that day, or how my classmates did on a quiz. I like the fact that I can simply think, and not have to answer to anyone.

Although I still take a walk alone every night, I also started going on nightly walks with some of my friends from the nursing program. It's different from walking alone, but it still feels just as beautiful. Not in a relaxing kind of way, but in an adventurous kind of way. I have seen the school in a different perspective; we have gone to places on campus I have never thought to explore alone. These adventures have been fun, and I have gotten to know my friends better from these walks. I have seen sides that I don't see when we're studying, or only walking to class together.

Some pictures from walking with friends:

 

I know you're thinking: what's the point of writing this?

Well, like what the quote says, thoughts truly do come clearly when one is on a walk. Try it out. The world is too fast; things go by too quickly, and rarely do we ever have a chance to slow down and enjoy the small things around us. Go on a walk alone, and take a deep breath. Try to empty your mind of things that are too stressful and unnecessary. Block out the bad, and think of only the good.

I'm glad I have finally found a way to relax. I always thought that I'm the kind of person who does better when under pressure, but now that I have a place to destress, I find that I think, feel, and act better when I'm not tense.

This is just the first step of my year of growth. I can't wait for many more to come.

Remember this: "Little by little, one walks far."


Much sun,

Annika :)

Year of Growth

January 16

Oops, I haven't posted in a while...

Well, here's the summary since Thanksgiving break:

 
√ Finals week = ended with a 3.3 GPA
√ Winter Break = over on 19th
√ Lots of hiking
√ Lots of family time
√ Lots of friends x adventures
√ Lots of church time

√ Lots of reading [for fun]
√ Lots of food runs
√ LA adventures x my best friend's birthday

So, 2016: Year of Growth

This is the year I have dedicated for my own spiritual growth and mental maturity.

Since 2015 was the year of transition - high school to college, house to dorm, small to large church, dependent to independent, minor to 'adult' - it is now time to grow from the transition. Now that I have gotten used to college, new friends, long distance friendships, networking, processed food, and sleepless nights, I believe that it is time for me to spend a year for myself.

I am the type of a person who thinks that it is selfish for an individual to think about himself first before others; however, one of the things that I learned in 2015 is that it is important to spend quality time with yourself.

Palos Verdes hike - Jan 2nd

My "Resolution" for this year is to grow. I aim to grow as a Christian, as a lady, as a child, friend and student. I aim to mature, not only mentally but also emotionally and spiritually.

I have two main goals:
1) Grow in my walk with the Lord,
2) Take good care of myself.

I want to be the kind of Christian that walks the walk, rather than talks and maybe walk. I want to live the Christian life; to have a more intimate relationship with the Lord, to pray more, to be cautious of the things that I think, say, and do. My goal is to praise Him in all that I do, and to serve Him in all that I can. I don't want to be the type of Christian who only calls for the Lord when I need help or when I am buried with burdens. I want to thank Him for all that He does for me; for waking me up in the morning, for letting me arrive safely to wherever I need to be, for giving me the opportunities He has given me. I aim to read my Bible everyday and pray everyday and spend time with only the Lord.

Like what the children song says, "Read your Bible everyday, and you will grow, grow, grow." 

Apart from my spiritual walk, I am dedicating 2016 to good health. Taking care of myself doesn't only mean taking my vitamins every morning, losing 30 pounds and eating vegetables. It also means starting and  continuing  quality, daily habits. I aim to drink more water, eat healthier, keep clean (especially my room), walk more, sleep earlier and wake up earlier.I will be spending more time on meditation, making sure to keep my mind at peace and my heart at guard. 

Making my spiritual growth and physical health my first priority has never happened before; yet I believe that when I put God first, and treat my body as His temple, I will grow in ways more than I can imagine.  

So, we'll see, 2016. 

I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me.

I'm heading back to San Diego in just a couple days - spring semester, I'm ready for you.

My quote of the year: "Let your faith be bigger than your fear;" after all, how can I fear when Jesus is near? ♫ ♬ ❤ 

Much sun,

Annika

winter break through instagram - @annikadaph

Count Your Blessings ❤️

November 26

2015 has been quite a year...

To begin with, I am thankful for the Lord for blessing me with such a great year. As I reflect on 2015, I cannot remember anything else but endless memories that have helped shape me into the person I am today.

"reflect" -- get it? hehe.

I'm not sure how to write this post because there are so many people and so many things that I am sincerely grateful for. My life is blessed beyond measure and I cannot thank the Lord enough for giving me a life with family and friends who helped me grow everyday.

I am thankful that I managed to graduate high school, got into a college, and attend a university as a nursing major. I am thankful that I am surviving and that I can see a future after serving my four years. Many take their education for granted because they do not see anything beyond the homework and exams that they must do; however, education is more than that. Going to university isn't purely based on what grades you get (although it feels like that sometimes), it's about self-discovery and personal development. I have seen myself grow throughout high school and even just in my first semester of college. I am thankful that I have an access to education because many children out there do not have the opportunity to go to school and learn.

I am thankful to have a home and to have a family who has been there for me through thick and thin. This year has been quite something else for us... my older sister got married, my older brother is in graduate school, I started university, and my little sister is learning how to drive. Yet through all these changes, my parents still give us their unconditional support and my siblings and I do not feel as if we are really ever apart. I am thankful because God blessed me with a family that also loves Him and a family that cherishes the meaning of family. I am blessed because I know that no matter what I do, no matter where I go, I will always have a family that will welcome me with open arms (and several jokes questioning my existence since I rarely call them anymore).

 I am thankful for my friends -- the ones from church and the ones from school. My friends have impacted my life in ways I couldn't imagine. If you know me, you know that I have a lot of friends and each and every one has played a huge role in my life. They give me happiness, support, love, care and confidence that I lack. It's easy to be friends with someone when they are happy because you can celebrate them, but it's hard when they're sad because then they are a burden. However, I can proudly say that I know my friends will happily carry my burdens for me and help me as I go through a hard time. Growing up, it was hard to make friends... but now I know that sometimes that's actually good because you wouldn't want random people into your life. You want those who will unconditionally support you and sincerely love you and accept you for who you are as an individual. I am thankful because I have found friends who share my humor, support my career path, slap me when I'm wrong, and keep me going in the right path. God has blessed me with friends who care for me, and I am eternally thankful for that.

elaina & lauree ❤️

my Big and G

Omicron

Bestfwend

Bry ❤️

Nursing Trio

JJAM

OG +++

I am thankful for those who have tried to break me down over the years. There hasn't been many, since my life mostly consists of positivity. However, I am thankful for those who have been mean to me and to those who have broken my heart. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to grow and discover my strengths and weaknesses as an individual. I wouldn't have been able to know where to improve on and how to handle a bad situation.

Lastly, I am thankful for all the experiences I have had. There are so many stories that could be told from 2015 alone... from fun trips, hang outs, jokes, many tears that have been shed, broken ankles, broken backs, all nighters... yet the most important thing is that all those stories are what make my life amazing. The experiences that I have had, from graduating high school to joining a service fraternity in college, are the backbone to my life's purpose. I am thankful for every moment, every second, every minute, every hour, and for every memory that the Lord has blessed me with in 2015.

pledge historian

phebotomy experience

as their momma in ROTC

President in AVID

learned how to ride a bike

many years of science olympiad

fun with fellow nursing majors

my peanut butter

APO & nursing trio

all my memories with them ❤️

If you're reading this, I am most likely thankful for you as well. Give thanks to those who have made your life as it is today, whether it be good or bad. The people we encounter, even just for second, plays a huge role in our lives. We may not see the reason now, but someday we will look back to that one little second and think, "Oh... that's why that happened."

Don't only focus on the delicious food you will be eating today, but truly reflect upon everything you are thankful for.

Try to count your blessings -- it is nearly impossible.

Gobble up and I love you all. ❤️



Much sun,

Annika. :)

Just Another Beginning

November 18th

Instead of doing everything I must do tonight, I have decided to procrastinate for a little bit. 

There is one quote that perfectly explains my last eight weeks here in San Diego State: "The best things in life appear when you least expect them." 

Alpha Phi Omega - this stressful, time-consuming, national service fraternity is the best thing that has happened to me in college. I have had my ups and downs, but it has provided me a family away from my home. Every time I fall, someone picks me up. Every time I fail, someone encourages me to do better. My pledge brothers expect the best from me and motivate me to give beyond my limits. I have been forced to learn my strengths and weaknesses, and use them to grow as an individual.  

Initially, all I expected was to get through the pledging process, do a couple services, attend long night general body meetings, and that's it. I stayed because my nursing friends stayed. However, now that we're TWO DAYS away from crossing, it's hit me. I cannot imagine my first semester in college without APO. Sure, I could have had more time to study. Yes, maybe I could have spent more time with my suite-mates. And, yes, okay, maybe I could have been more involved with other organizations. However, the time I have put into APO and getting to know everyone in APO has been worth every single thing I could have done. 

I cannot imagine my life right now without the 37 pledge brothers, the pledge committee, and pledge moms that I have. I don't know who would have picked me up when I was at my lowest low, who could have given me multiple hugs when I needed it the most, who could have laughed with me at my highest point and who could have been my own personal models for a weekend. The Omicron pledge class has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. ❤️ // i can just imagine them yelling "SIMP" right now. 

Fall Fellowship '15 - some of Omicron Pledge Class

Along with my pledge class, I have been given a family (s/o Omega). I have been given a Big (❤️❤️❤️), a G, and a G2 that I love oh-so-very much. Even though I don't see them a lot due to all of our busy schedules (and the fact that my G2 is an alumni), I could not be any happier whenever I see or talk to them. I brag about how awesome my line is all the time. My Big is AH-MAZING, my G is madame president of the fraternity and my G2 is the best dork anyone could ever get Denny's with. My line is the reason I want to get involved as an active next semester. 

BAMF Line

Also, a huge shout out to everyone also in APO from other schools. The inter-chapter events have been such a huge part of my pledging process -- so much love and fun and memories shared with the actives and pledges from different chapters (especially Phi Delta, Lambda Mu, Rho Rho & Rho Pi!). One of the things that made me the happiest during my pledge process was getting to know other chapters and all of the brothers involved in this fraternity.

my fave from UCSD Rho Pi

I don't really know what else to say about this fraternity other than thank you. Even though I'll be spending endless hours editing a video for the banquet on Friday, I know it's all worth it because I'll be able to see your beautiful faces even when I'm not with you. You have all provided me with brotherhood I did not expect from joining in the beginning. I could not have loved, laughed, cried and danced more without you all. 

Now that the pledging process is over, my focus is 20000% back to academics. However, I know that I'll be that one stubborn child who will give my best to stay involved (and maybe even be on board someday??) despite the stress of being a nursing major. It's okay to be a little insane if you're doing it for the right people. ❤️ 

I just need to survive tonight and live through tomorrow and Friday. Then I'll be heading home for Thanksgiving break. Although I won't be able to see my mother who is currently abroad, I cannot wait to see the rest of my family and friends in Orange County. No matter how awesome San Diego may be, there is still no place like home. 

I am thankful for ALL of you. 




Much sun (although it's been cold lately),
 Annika. :)   

Plot Twists and Life Lessons

October 14th

College has been throwing me a lot of plot twists lately.

To begin with, attending SDSU is one big plot twist in my life. In high school, I never planned on moving away from home and even if I did, San Diego was not on my list. But this plot twist has so far been an amazing experience -- I love it here. There are so many things I have done and encountered and people I have met that I wouldn't have met otherwise.

I have learned to love and accept the plot twists life gives me. I may have a rough draft of how I want my life to run until I'm 30, but I have come to realize that unexpected situations are put into my life for a reason. Whether they be good or bad, I will always come out a better and stronger person from them.

Since coming here, multiple plot twists have occurred.
For example, a year ago, I would have laughed at someone's face if they told me I would be a part of a fraternity... yet here I am. I am currently in the pledging process of a service and leadership co-ed fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega. And I love it.

That's just one example. Don't get me wrong -- some of the lemonades I've made from the lemons life has thrown me ended up being sour. But it's okay because I have learned to add a little bit more sugar the next time.

I don't exactly know what that little sugar is, but I know that my college experience will help me figure it out. The people I have met here and the environment I have decided to surround myself with will help me find that sweetness I need in my life.

I can tell you now that the past two months I have been here has been an endless amount of learning. Aside from academics, I have learned a lot about other people, other cultures and myself. My morals and conviction and strength are being tested everyday, and I am slowly learning how to stand up again and again.

Even though my life still needs that little sugar,  every single time I have made a sour lemonade, there has always been a friend to add a little bit of theirs to make it better for me. Whether it be through Skype, call, text or one of the friends I have made here in college or at church, I have a constant support system. Of course, my number one support is God and my Bible; however, physical support never hurts. I can't even count how many pats on the back or hugs or words of encouragement I have gotten every time I would hit a low.  I can't verbalize just how thankful I am for each and every single person God has given me in my life. There is never a day when I would feel unloved and not taken care of. If anything, I am always surrounded by an endless amount of honesty, love and care through my family and friends and even instructors from my school.

I am waiting for the day I will be hit by another plot twist because that may be the time I will finally learn who I truly am. I have not hit that point in my life where I can say, "Hello, my name is Annika and this is who I am." I am still in the process of developing as a servant, a daughter, a student and friend. My college life is benefiting me in the sense that I am growing every day, sometimes even without me noticing.

To all you seniors currently applying for college: once it has come to the time where you need to choose a school to attend, choose wisely. You may not end up following your Plan A, but life has an immense amount of opportunity out there for you.

We may not know the reason behind everything that is going on in our lives, but someday we will look back and see why. We don't need to see to believe; we may not have the ability to see our future right now, but we have every reason to believe that the life we have ahead of us is going to be something beyond we expect. I'm pretty sure a lot of adults can agree with me, and even think about their lives at my age and see how that has shaped them into the person they are today.

There is one thing I challenge all who may read this blog (if there are any): be kind. Be kind to others, and especially to yourself. We may hit a low, even our lowest low, but we will always have at least one person (and if not, God) to pick us right back up and give us a little nudge to motivate us to keep on going. Don't beat yourself up for hitting a low because everyone hits a low -- it's part of being a human.

My rant is officially over. :P
My goal, now that midterms is over, is to make time to write more. This has become my official creative outlet, and without it, I tend to get a little crazy. Have a GREAT life, and thanks for even reading this. I know most of people I know have crazy busy schedules.

"If what's ahead scares you, and what's behind hurts you, then look above; God will guide you."

Much sun,

Annika.

It Gets Better

September 16th

I remember the first time I went zip-lining at Lake Tahoe a couple years ago. It took my whole family to convince me to even consider going since I am badly afraid of heights. The only reason I agreed to go was because my step-dad bribed me with new books and ice cream.

When the workers started strapping me in, I started crying. I wanted to back out because I was so afraid. I felt hopeless and helpless. I cried and cried and there was no way of comforting me, so my dad just pushed me off the ground.

After I finished screaming, "OH MY GOOOOOD!!!," I realized just how beautiful my surroundings were. I slowly started to appreciate and actually enjoy zip-lining. I even went again with my siblings in Hawaii and I volunteered to go first!

College, so far, has felt like the first time I went zip-lining at Tahoe. It took me a while to even consider going to San Diego State, and when I finally agreed, it was only because of their outstanding (and affordable) nursing program. Although I felt absolutely lost and hopeless during my first couple weeks, I am now starting to value my time here in San Diego.

Since my first week, I have made new friends in the nursing program. I have met friends that go with me to Bible study, the gym, to the library, to the dining hall, or to even join a co-ed fraternity with. I am starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and even going beyond what I am usually comfortable with.

Last week, I was having a hard time in college. The work was finally starting to overwhelm me, and the people that I have been spending time with were not the best of influences. Although I saw my family two weeks ago, I still missed the feeling of being home and seeing my best friends whenever I could. I was feeling lost, so lonely, so tired of having to adjust and pretend that everything was okay.

However, the Lord started working some wonders in my life. I have found a steady group of friends to go to places with and do homework with. My friends from home started checking up on me for no reason -- asking if I have done my homework, read my Bible, or gone to the gym. I have found an intimate youth group, and other freshmen on campus who love and serve the Lord just as much as I do. I have a lady from church who, in my eyes, has been acting as my mentor. The sadness that I was feeling just started to go away.

I finally started to see the goodness that surrounds me. There was no reason for me to miss my family or friends all the time. There was no time for me to dwell on what I don't have, but rather everything that I do have here. It may have only been a month, but a lot of things have changed.

I have been blessed with a huge opportunity of being in an amazing nursing program. I have been blessed with a church -- I didn't even have to go looking for one! I have been blessed with a suitemate who I can spend 24/7 with, just doing homework or talking or watching movies with. I have been blessed with a close friend from middle school who visits me every Wednesday, just to catch up and make sure I am happy here.

So, why be sad?

No reason. No reason at all!

I am so blessed beyond measure, but it took me a while to see it because I was blinded by my new surroundings. With my eyes now wide open, I can see just how much the Lord will help me grow this year. I am slowly starting to see the beauty that surrounds me, rather than focusing on my fears.

I can guarantee you one thing: no matter what you're going through, slowly, but surely, it gets better.

>> Here are pictures of some friends, places I hang out with, home, views while at SDSU, and of course, selfies.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9Bm0_JG8V86eklJWXdpMkNxaW8/view?usp=sharing

Much love,

Annika :)

First Week at State

August 30th

I have been at university for one full week now. I cannot honestly say that I'm having an amazing time or that I love college, but I cannot say that I hate it here either.

Every single day I have been here since move-in day has been a different overview of how college will be during the next four years. From academics to night life to friends to student involvement to youth groups to boys to all the partying that goes on here, I feel as if I have experienced it all. It's crazy: every freshman I have met wanted to experience everything that goes on in college during their first week. For me, it was a way to see where to go, what to avoid, what to do and not to do, who to talk to and who to ignore. I feel as if I have set a foundation for myself at this school.

I don't know how else to do this, but to go by sections. This whole week has been pretty crazy that the only time I have found to write is now - while I'm doing my laundry.

FAMILY

First off, I want to start with my family. I can't say that I miss them because that would be a lie. I miss the craziness in my house, the constant company, my sister being on Skype all night, my other sister driving us crazy about her wedding, and all that jazz, but I don't really miss them. Is that mean to say? I haven't really been feeling homesick either, since I call and talk to my parents every night. I check in after dinner every night, and let them know that I'm doing alright. Other than that, it still feels like I am only on a tiny retreat almost, or a vacation, and I will be home again to see them. I only have until next Friday, too, since I'll be going home for my brother's birthday and Labor Day weekend.

SLEEP (or the lack, thereof)

The second thing I want to say is that I have not gotten a decent amount of sleep ever since I moved in. At first, I thought it was because I was just scared of being in college. However, I started feeling as if it was just more than that. I would be tired late at night, yet I cannot sleep. I would exhaust myself during the day, yet I cannot sleep. I would meditate, listen to instrumental classical music, watch the news, read my most boring books, relax by the pool, and none of it would work. And if it did, I would be out for five minutes, and I'd wake up all over again. One thing did work: crying myself to sleep. I watched If I Stay and Listen to Your Heart in one night, and I cried a river, then fell asleep. It felt so amazing to have slept 4 straight hours that night. I'm still trying to find ways to help me knock out at night. Hopefully, I find one soon because surviving in college with very little sleep is exhausting.

My constant place of peace while everyone is sleeping

ACADEMICS

My main focus in college is my academics. I plan to end the semester with a GPA over 3.5. I cannot have anything lower than a B (which means, yes, no B minuses either) in order to stay in the nursing program and in San Diego State, per my parents' rules.

I'm taking Bio211, a lab for that, Chem 102, a lab for that, RWS 100 (writing class) and a small and big section Comm103 (oral communications). So far, I have been loving my classes. My schedule is pretty far apart that I have a lot of down time, which has allowed me to read my books and do my homework and even get to know other people while waiting 1 to 2 to even 4 hours between classes. My favorite classes so far are my small section Comm103 and my lab for Bio211. The people in them, and the teachers make the class a fun place to learn at. I do not feel like it is a chore to go to class, and believe it or not, I look forward to those classes everyday. I feel very comfortable in those classes, unlike my 250-500 students lecture, where I know you really have to put in the effort of getting to know your professor.

My chemistry class is my most dreaded class, which is weird because I LOVE Chemistry. However, with the 200+ students in there and the non-air conditioned room has made the classroom an impossible place to learn on a regular 90 degrees Fahrenheit San Diegan day. It is unbearable. Most of us have fallen asleep in class, my teacher would even sweat through his shirt, and everyone just felt way to hot and sticky to process whatever topic the teacher is rambling on about.

STUDENT INVOLVEDMENT/YOUTH GROUP

As for student involvement, I have joined a couple ones. First, I looked for a nursing organization, which in my school is California Nursing Student's Association, which is exclusive to all of the nursing majors in my school. The second I looked for was a health-related club, where I could grow not only with nurses, but also with aspiring doctors, kinesiologist, nutritionists, dentists, pharmacologists, and more. So, I signed up for Aztec Professional Pre-Health Organization. The next thing I looked for was a youth group. I am particular about the things we do, and the things we learn about, and the Bible used. I never thought that I'd find one until a guy I met led me to a club called Intervarsity. In my mind, I thought it was only for Christian athletes because there was something like that in my high school. I ended up going with five of my friends just for the free pizza. I didn't know that it'd end up being the best youth group I have been to at this school (although a little more contemporary for my taste, I've checked out three other ones and didn't like them at all). After that night, I am now in constant contact with three ladies from that youth group, and we are starting a Bible study soon! Those were the only clubs I ever planned on looking for, but a sophomore who I have been looking up to as my mentor recommended a cultural club called Asian Pacific Student Alliance. Through that club, the two of us have a "mentor-mentee" relationship and I am able to join a certain aspect of my club depending on my interests and personality, which in my case would be APSA Media. I cannot express enough just how much I am looking forward to this. The upperclassmen I talked to said that the members involved on APSA Media film, direct, act and play a bunch of acting games (YES, IMPROV, TOO!). I am so excited because it will be my way of continuing my love for performing while pursuing my future in the medical field.  

FRIENDS(and boys)

I have not forgotten about my old friends at all. Last Saturday, my best friends Gwen and Bryan and our friend Chris came to San Diego to come visit me. They saw my residence hall, met some of my suitemates, my new friends, and then took me out to downtown San Diego. I could not have explored that area without them. It was such an amazing Saturday because their presence made me feel like I wasn't even really growing up or leaving the city I am most familiar with. They took me out to a bakery called Extraordinary, an expensive restaurant named Croce Park West, and then the park to talk. They also took me to Target so that I could stock up on real food, instead of the overpriced junk they sell at the markets on campus.

I have been in constant communication with my friends in high school (through Skype, call or text) and we have all found the time to catch up on our experiences so far while being away from each other. It honestly hasn't been that bad. Although I miss their company, I know I'm going to see most of them in November for Thanksgiving break.

As for making new friends here, it hasn't been too bad. Luckily for me, one really good friend from middle school (Brooke) and two friends from high school (Alan and Kritika) have been hanging out with me. When we meet new people, we tend to introduce everyone to each other, so we have been pretty successful in making friends.

 I have one particular new friend I spend 24/7 with. She's my suitemate, living in a single right next to mine. Her name is Dee Dee, and she's been a very good company. She's nice and sweet and sarcastic and eats constantly yet doesn't gain a pound. For every single event that has happened at this place, she's been there and I am honestly so freaking thankful that I'm not alone. Other than her, we have met a couple other new friends we constantly have been hanging out with. We've formed a mini group, and I can honestly say that it has been fun.

After lunch

2AM with Dee Dee

sleep over!!!

we finally made brownies

I'm going to talk about boys, too, because it's college and I'm a girl and that's a normal thing to do. Boys have never been a concern for me because I tend to be friends with mainly guys. They're relaxed and there's never drama and as long as you were okay with them playing video games every time you hang out, then the friendship will work out perfectly.

Let me tell you - college is a whole another story! During my first night here, I noticed how a lot of the guys would check out a girl before even talking to them. They'd put their arms around the girls, flirt with them, and then ask them if they want to go back to their dorm. The guys here also use girls to get into frat parties, and then leave them there to fend for themselves. Of course, I'm not saying all guys are like that, but the majority of the male population I have encountered during my first week have been like this. Needless to say, I am scared of the guys here.

You think I'm kidding, but on Tuesday night, a bunch of guys were hanging out at my suite and I decided to leave the room and go to the common lounge on our floor instead. One of the guys from the suite went to the lounge, and asked me to hang out with him. I said no. He then said, "Why not? You can come hang out with us."

I said, "No, thank you... I'm scared."

He laughed and said, "I don't bite, you know."

And I said, "Yes, but you're a guy and I don't know you and you're not even from this floor."

And he just laughed and said, "Alright, but if you change your mind, come join me."

It was so embarrassing, for a college student to be scared of a guy who is inviting her to hang out with him and his friends. Every time I saw the same guy, he would smile at me and invite me to hang out with them and I just keep on saying no. Maybe someday I'll surprise him and say yes... as long as it's with a dozen other girls.

I'm not completely scared of them - I have talked to a couple ones. Some are nice, some are creepy, some are just kind of people you say hi to and nothing else. I have been able to make two other guy friends other than my high school friend Alan, but it hasn't come to the point where I would hang out with them without Alan. I mean, I tried a couple times, but the first time ended up horribly and the second time, his roommate had me fooled that he was another guy (although it was kind of funny, I felt pretty stupid).

On an adult (kind of) level on the topic of guys, I am not looking for someone here at my school. I'm praying to God that if He does end up putting a man in my life, he ends up being from church. After all, my number one love is God, so I wouldn't want to be with a man who's number one love isn't God.   

SOCIAL LIFE(hang outs, night life & adventures)

The main thing my friends and I do here on campus to hang out is eat, watch movies, work out, swim and play some kind of game. We sound pretty lame, but honestly, we have been way too lazy and busy to take the public transportation to go to the beach or explore San Diego.

There was yesterday, when Brooke and I decided to explore Old Town San Diego. It was awesome. We took the trolley for the first time, and we met so many people, and we saw so many things and we ate such delicious authentic Mexican food. There were so many nice people when we went on the trolley and when we walked around old town... maybe because there was a Chargers game and everyone had a good vibe about the game (although they did lose 15-16 Seahawks).

Nightlife here is the main event. There are things called Aztec Nights, in which the student body holds different events for the students on campus. This weekend, it was a drag show, a carnival and a Barnyard Bash. I went to the carnival, but left ten minutes in. I attempted to go to the Barnyard Bash, but my friends and I ended up hanging out and having a sleepover.

There are tons of parties here. I thought when they said San Diego State was a party school, they meant every weekend. No one told me that parties would be going on every single day! How these people party on a Monday or a Tuesday and manage to wake up for an 8AM class is beyond my comprehension. There are so many students who come back either trashed or faded, and someone has to take care of them until they finally knock out and sleep. Of course, with these events going on, there are also a lot of sirens going on. Cops on every corner, making sure that no one is in danger.

Luckily enough, my building doesn't have parties going on. No ragers, or dagers (day ragers, apparently) or anything like that. However, a lot of people end up inviting their friends from other buildings and suite parties end up happening instead. No booze or drugs from what I have seen (from my suite, especially), but loud music and constant socializing and party games are happening. People would leave between midnight to 2AM, and the rest of the suitemates who don't party just hope to God they get some sleep. Thankfully, my suitemates are considerate and ask us if they want to turn down the music whenever they're up late at night.

ANYWAY... 

I met a guy here named Evan and he laughed the other night while we were walking around because I was wearing my high school senior sweatshirt. He said, "Man, you really haven't let go of the past." My question is: how can you let go of something you've known for four years? The way you were, the things you did, your family, your friends, and everything that made you who you are back in high school. I have seen a lot of my friends transform: once an innocent 14 years old to a regular party-goer 18 years old. And then there's me: still the same 14 year old Annika, except for maybe a few mental and spiritual growth. Surely not physical, I have been 5'0" since sixth grade.

When I read about heading to a university, I read about change and transition. Although you do end up becoming more independent, enjoying the freedom, balancing school and parties and discovering your true self and interests, I don't think anyone should focus on changing just because they have entered college. I have personally seen a friend go through a whole makeover, wardrobe change, take over other interests, and start partying just so she would fit in with the other "hot girls" in college. She focused so much on making friends and meeting boys and having the best time of her life that she, at times, loses her sight on her future, her career, and her dreams.

Stay being yourself. Just do you. If you do feel like you need to change, then change for the better. Grow, learn and explore. Don't do it for anyone else, but for your own benefit and happiness.

College has been one heck of a ride. As for me, I just remind myself of one quote whenever things get kind of rocky (mostly due to the lack of sleep and the excess noise), "The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." So think positive, and focus on your success. No one will motivate you but yourself. And let me assure you, the future is bright for all of us.

still explorin' the campus // art building

Much sun,
Annika.